New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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