This girl is more easily done than said...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
