dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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