i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize