This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize