Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
