Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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