You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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