and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize