Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
