Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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