I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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