Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
