Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize