I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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