I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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