Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
