Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My penis needs a shock collar
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
