kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize