I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
