...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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