If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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