Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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