just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
babies were throwing up all over the place
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
