Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
