Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
