that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
