i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
