he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
