On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
