so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
