Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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