somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
