kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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