I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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