Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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