Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
