he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
