O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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