why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
