:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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