Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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