My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
