I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There are leaves in my underwear?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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