porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
