batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
