FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
