They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
