and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
