I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
