you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
