like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
