she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
