...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
