And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
