I think I just saw someone hide a body.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
