I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
