You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
whose parrot is this?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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