fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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