wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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