quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
