so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
