I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
