You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's blow job season.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
