Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
