he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
