Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize