the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
