too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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