Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
