mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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