First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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