Plan B is the new Plan A
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
